I have been often asked by working moms if it is worth leaving work to take care of the kids. My answer is not a "yes" or a "no". I can't even answer the question for you. It really depends on your realities.

I'm sure some would be ideal and say, "Yes -- no amount of income can match the joy of seeing your kids grow". More practical people will say "No -- it is best to work and prepare for your children's future.". Other women may downright say no because having a job gives them a sense of fulfillment for themselves -- fulfilling that degree they worked so hard for in college. To them, what did they go through college for if only to stay at home. They might as well have stopped school altogether and waited for a man who will marry her and provide for all her needs and that of her family.

The best answer is "Do whatever makes you happy." Whether it is in a corporate setting or at home, people excel when they love what they do. I have encountered one or two women who would either be non-performers or just average ones who never excelled nor showed any drive to do better. They just do what they are expected to do and sometimes even take advantage of the company by pretending to be in the field when they're actually either out shopping (spending her money or worse -- her husband's money without his knowledge and leave the task of informing the husband to the credit card bill when it comes). However, doing whatever makes us happy should also be coupled with a sense of responsibility and of awareness when people around us are being affected by our choices.

One of the women I know who opted to be a stay-at-home mom based her decision on being happy but failed miserably in being sensitive to what others feel or how she was affecting others. Her husband was initially ecstatic that she decided to quit her job and take care of their three kids. However, she enjoyed her freedom from employment too much that she became even more lavish than when she was working. Her husband, a good provider who believed that a man should provide no matter what the cost, just took it in until one day his credit card bills had gotten substantially bigger and his household expenses shot up since the wife's standards of living also went up as she spent a lot of time researching on newest craze, gadgets, imported food, luxurious resorts, etc. He would not say anything to his wife but shared his sentiments to his buddies. What good is quitting a job for your family when you may be the cause the family falls apart. All because the woman focused ONLY on what makes her happy.

Not all working mothers turn out to have poorly raised kids. I've seen kids of working mothers who are more socially responsible, kind, respectful, independent and are achievers compared to some children I know who had a full-time mom. Whether you have a career or not does not increase the probability of having better kids. To some extent, mothers who think this way tend to be self-centered and self-righteous. A mother is not the only person who shapes the future of her child. They live in a much bigger world. It also depends on whether she is a good role model. Sure --we have a big responsibility but I can be a stay-at-home mom but spend a lot of my time shopping, going to the salon, the derma, the spa, the  gym and posting on every social media available all the things I shopped for, expensive places I go to or in short -- everything I do. This does not support the idea of you being a full-time mom and therefore does not make you a better one. A full-time mom does not spend majority of her time focusing on herself. It should be on her kids. A stay-at home mom also means that you stay where your kids are majority of the time and not where the latest sales are or at the spa or the gym. It does not mean that we have to deprive ourselves of our "me" time. I'm sure we can have our "me" time once in a while to keep our sanity and sense of self.

Being a full-time time does not make you a better mother. Being a working mom does not guarantee that either. One is not better than the other. Whether you have a career or not does not guarantee your child's future -- how he will grow up to be, what kind of a man your son will grow up to be or what kind of a wife and mother your daughter will be.

As for me and my other working-mother friends who have well-behaved, respectful, polite and intelligent kids, we are proud to say we do this WHILE we are balancing our time between career and motherhood. THAT'S superwoman enough for me. So before you predict how bad my child's future will be because I am a working mom, think again.

Planning a Party

When my siblings and I were still young, our family celebrated the 1st, 3rd and 7th birthdays. The next party was when you turned 13, 16 and then 18. My sister Rina and I always had a two-in-one party as our birthdays were one week apart. (Six days to be exact!) None of us had our personalities showcased on or birthdays and that is what I'd like to do for both my kids. 

My son Gavin turned 3 last November 21 and we held a party for him on November 25. I wanted the party to feature his obsession -- cars and so we went for Disney Cars as our theme. As a working mom on a budget, I could not hire a party planner or what people call now (I've learned from a friend) as a party stylist. Here are some of the items we had to plan. 

Venue

Most of our guests would come from south area of Manila and we wanted the venue to be convenient to our guests. The areas we checked out, thanks to other mom bloggers and Smart Parenting Philippines site are the following: 

1) Villamor Air Base Museum

Where: Villamor Air Base, right beside Terminal 3

Pros: Big enough to hold roughly 300 guests and also have booths and activity areas. The place could be dressed up to have a dramatic effect with lots of balloons. Kids fascinated with airplanes will enjoy since they have a display of an aircraft at the ground floor. 

Cons: It won't be ideal if you have elderly guests as they will need to use the stairs to access the party venue. To use the venue, you also need a sponsorship from an air force personnel.

2) Fort Bonifacio Army Officers' Club

Where: Fort Bonifacio, right before McKinley Hill (coming from Villamor)

More intimate than the museum, they have several  function rooms and an outdoor garden where you can set up a play area and have an outdoor venue (just make sure your party is not during the rainy season). Rental for outdoor area is separate from enclosed function room. 

Pros: You can bring in your own caterer. 

Con: You also need a sponsor from the army to use their venue. 

3) Fully Booked Top Shelf

Where: Bonifacio High Street; Above Fully Booked. 

Pros: The space is really big that some people use it for weddings. 

Cons: If you don't have that much guests and not much activities, then it may be too pricey. 

4) Chateu Elysee Club House

Where: Better Living Paranaque

Chateu Elysee is one of the development sites of SMDC and it carries a mediterranean style to it. The Club House looks nice enough but may be too hot for the summer. 

Pros: Parking will not be an issue. You can also bring your own caterer and party stylists for no extra charge. 

Cons: You will need to have a resident sponsor you to avail of their reduced rate (last time I checked, it was at Php 8,000 for 4 hours, inclusive of ingress and egress). The admin staff did not get back to me on time. I had already confirmed a venue by the time they called. 

5) TGI Fridays at Bonifacio High Street

Where: BHS, Fort Global City

Pros: Their Sales person, Brian, was very accommodating. They have a set party menu or you can customize for your kid's party. I really wanted to have my son's party here because they carry the colors of Disney Cars -- red, white and black. 

Cons: The venue is really for an adult party and the only enclosed area would be where the bar is. Since the bar is right smak at the middle, it won't be convenient to have games hosted there. Not everyone will get to see. 

Brian was really helpful though trying to find a date when they were not booked. Unfortunately, I could not move my son's party date so I had to look for an alternative venue. Otherwise, they were all  very accommodating and helpful. They would return calls and even initiate calls when theyhad new information for you. For a working mom, time is priceless and this kind of service where it saved me a lot of waiting time, was just downright awesome!

6) Active Fun

Where: Bonifacio Global City

The first time I called Active Fun, my call was entertained by Mhay who, right of the bat, was very accommodating. We went there the same day after I made my call and she showed us the venue. Truth is I was a bit hesistant with the place because their site showed rates that were too pricey for me. But we ended up having the party here and I have no regrets. 

Pros: They have a special menu that you can choose from to customize the meal plan. This allows you to work on your budget. 

Con: They charge corkage for the extra items you bring BUT...

Pro: They are accommodating enough to waive some of them.
Pro: The food is quite good! I ordered the mac and cheese, waffles, pumpkin soup, chicken lollipops, pork bbq among others. Their serving size was just right. Not small but not too much either. I did not run out of food even if I guaranteed less than the actual number of guests. (It was served buffet style).

THE main reason why you should hold the party here is that the kids will enjoy the play time they get after the party. You have the option to choose unlimited play time for each kid or 1.5 hours. They also suggest that you just confirm the number of kids who will play on the day itself to avoid over purchase of play tickets. If you opt to have your party here, please have your kids wear socks and ask their companions to also wear one if they plan to go inside the play area. Incase you forget, no fret -- since they also sells socks at the counter.   

Everything you need for a party is available in their package! If you don't want the hassles involved in planning a party, THIS is the place for you. 

I, however, wanted to be involved as much as I can. If I can spend 48 hours a week and even more) at work, I can definitely make time to give my son a memorable party. One I can be proud of to say I played a big role in it.

Mhay did a lot of coordination and even on the day towards the day of the party, I was endorsed o another girl named Andi. Andi was equally accommodating and helpful You could feel that they empathize with the parents and made sure everything was okay. The head waiter assigned to us, Gilbert I think was his name, also provided proactive assistance. It was like he knew what we needed even before we asked for it.

Highly recommend Active Fun, Bonifacio Global City for hassle-free, reasonably priced, kid-centric party. You won't regret it.

Active Fun, Bonifacio Global City. Photo courtesy of chicsassymom.com

Play area @ Active Fun. Photo courtesy of cashcashpinoy.com

Invitations

Once I've chosen the venue, date and time, we needed to release the invites. I wanted Gavin's invites to look like car pass/tickets to a race. I don't know how to use photoshop so I used MS Powerpoint.

Balloons

I opted to go with Active Fun's package to avoid corkage. I was scared that the set up would be too plain, but I was blown away by how nice the room turned out after seeing it bare during one of our visits. They used balloons with a twist. :)

Other Decorations 

I didn't want the room to look bare and I wanted to see Gavin's reaction to all the Disney Cars he would see. I decided to get a backdrop for the stage with giant cars. Active Fun also had this in their list of items to offer but I was able to find one that also included the Disney Cars arch by the entrance at a more affordable rate. A Box of Fun Balloons and Party Services provided the backdrop and the owner, Lalaine Martinez, was really easy to talk to. Her team of people who installed and dismantled were very professional and did their work so efficiently. I highly recommend them.

The entrance arch by A Box of Fun Balloons and Party Services

The stage backdrop

With my son who was so excited :)

The backdrop rental included the spot lights, too

Prizes, giveaways and candy buffet

Active Fun had everything I needed but I really wanted to prepare my son's loot bags and the candy buffet. I considered that my mission. I braved Divisoria on a weekend (nearing Christmas season!) to buy the prizes, the toys and the everything else I needed for the party.

I was inspired by other moms who made their own candy buffets as well. I wanted to be more creative with it but didn't have enough time to prepare. I bought jars, pails and other containers, prepared home-made tag and labels, and bought candies in bulk.

Loot bags filled with school stuff, stickers, candies

Prizes and giveways

mini MnMs, disney Cars Cotton Candy and Disney Cars candy

The candy buffet was a hit!

Yoghurt sticks, whistle candy, Disney Cars gum, butter crackers, Iced Gems and lollipops

Candies and more candies

Cake

I searched for a cake provider and found so many good ones. However, one of Gavin's grandmothers gifted him with the cake and cup cake. Since most suppliers were booked, she bought the cake and cupcakes from Red Ribbon. She also included the collection of Disney Car figures of her youngest child who is now in college. (Thank you Lola Linda and Tita Sararah)

At the end of the party when I saw kids looking so flushed and excited at the same time, and my son being so happy for having his party and getting to play after, I think it was all worth the stress. I know I could have done better but I think my son thought it was pretty much perfect and that's what matters. It was also so nice to have my 15-year old daughter help me. (Thank you, Ate Patti! As Gavin would say...you're the best sister in the whole wide world!)

Thanks also to all the moms who posted their experience in party planning on blogs and on Smart Parenting Philippines. You have helped me go through mine. I hope that by writing and posting this, I will be able to help other moms, too.

My bite of Rhea-lity: Next time, I'll make sure to plan more and have enough time to execute the plan.

The Beginning

This is it! I am officially starting my blog. A life of a working mom just has too many wonderful, painful, unforgettable and even priceless moments to learn from. A lot of people say that being a full-time mom is a career in itself. Maybe one day I can be one. But for now -- I am a working mom -- and I am mighty proud of it! I balance work, being a wife and motherhood one day at a time.

On days I can, I commit to post whatever learnings I have on my experience as a working mom so that people like me can learn from them and hopefully help them in their pursuit of such a challenging career. (Yes! It is a career in itself.)

My interest in creating a blog started when I was preparing for my son Gavin's 3rd birthday party. I got a lot of help from mothers who created posts on blog sites about their experience in planning, sourcing for suppliers and creative ideas to make their kids' birthday party a memorable one. On a different post, I will start sharing about this and hopefully it can help others, too.

What else can be covered here? Let's see....Maybe I can get some tips from working moms who have have somehow managed to find time to keep themselves healthy and fit. Ugh! It is a challenge for me. An advice or two from those who will be interested enough to read this will help a lot. (thank you in advance).

Lastly, I started writing because for someone practicing Psychology (or at least trying to..) I know I need an outlet once in a while. I don't go out much with friends. I work 48 hours a week (mostly more actually) and spend my free time with my kids. Hooray for me coz I finally started something I thought I didn't have enough time to do. This is my ME time and I hope it makes a difference to you and me.

Lesson from Reality: To start and sustain a commitment, discipline is required. Never say it cannot be done until we've tried.